I received a message today from someone I went to high school with and it got me thinking about change. It's interesting how some of us seem to change more than others. I got an e-mail once from a friend whose insights I respect and who has known me for a long time. In the e-mail he talked about how much I have changed over the years and how I seem to constantly re-invent myself. He said that I have a gift for change. My response was along the lines of it more being about having found a useful strategy for accomplishing change. As I explained to him I essentially find someone I know who embodies the skill(s) that I want to emulate and I copy them. Then it's like a great quote I heard once: "The more we behave in certain ways the more that behaviour comes to define us, not only to others but to ourselves". I have always been someone who bought into the idea that there is something we can learn from everyone. For example there is a member of management at my work who isn't very popular. However every time I talk to him I walk away wanting to emulate one thing he does very well. He speaks slowly and clearly thinks about what he is saying before he says it. It is a very admirable trait and one that would fix some of the rough edges of my personality (and I'm sure I'm not the only one).
Cruising the net looking for wisdom tonight I came across this at sourcesofinsight.com:
Mentors Are The Short Cuts
One of the most effective ways I’ve found to save a lot of time and energy is using mentors. While nothing replaces experience, mentors can help guide you to the right experiences and avoid some unnecessary experiences. They can also help you make meaning from the experiences you have, by providing a new lens or vantage point. They can also help you find the most effective path through a problem. A good mentor can also help tailor information to make it more relevant for you. It’s one thing to see good ideas in a book, it’s another to have somebody who can take you through the ideas in a way that resonates for you.
Key Points
Here are some key points:
- Mentors are all around you. Imagine if everybody you know, has one great thing to teach you.
- Find people with results. You can’t argue with results.
- Ask better questions. If you’re not getting the information you need, try asking deeper questions. One simple question to ask is, “who’s the right person to ask for advice on this?”
- Think in terms of motivation, skills, and feedback. Sometimes, you might just need somebody who helps you find your motivation. Other times, you actually need hard-core skills or techniques. Sometimes, you just need more actionable feedback. Sometimes, you need it all. Know what you need to find the right mentors.
This article got me thinking about how our fears of rejection hold us back. I know I made a bit of a leap there so let me explain. I've recently gotten to know a man who has a lot of the skills I am trying to develop and who has done some of the things in life that I hope to accomplish. When we have been at the same functions etc. I have tended to monopolize his time and pick his brain. Being considerably older than me I imagine he enjoys it as we all know that our society doesn't value the wisdom of our elders as it should. That being said I often think about asking him if we could get together for coffee, beer etc. so I can absorb some of what I think he has to offer. However there is where our natural fears seem to come into play and I don't. I like to think I'm pretty self-aware and I suspect that the man would be pleased if I approached him looking for advice. That being said I would still feel uncomfortable doing that. Our society has created a very unhealthy fear of rejection in us I think. I've often thought of this same concept about the single people throughout our society and the relationships that never happen. I think most of us are comfortable enough with ourselves to realize that there are going to be some people who are attracted to us and some who aren't. Why then do we harbour all sorts of secret feelings and have such a fear of rejection that we are afraid to reveal to someone that we are interested in them? Why are we incapable of just chalking that person up to one who isn't interested if it doesn't go the way we hoped? Instead we assume they aren't interested and move along with our lives having let the opportunity slip past. Or we convince ourselves there was some small chance and we let it go in order to save our ego from any chance of rejection. How many unhappy people are there in the world because of this? It's a somewhat strange phenomenon but it seems to be worsening not improving. Perhaps social media is the answer....it's always easier to be bolder via electronic message than in person so maybe this can be a small part of the solution.
No comments:
Post a Comment