The Things We Take For Granted.

     After four days of being sick I woke up today feeling pretty good. It amazes me how as late as Saturday night I can feel as sick as I ever have and by Monday morning my body had kicked the bug and life goes right along. The things we take for granted.
     On another note as part of our ongoing effort to make a positive difference in the community my wife is off helping at Friendship Night. It's an Arts and Crafts night for some developmentally challenged people in the area. Her friend is around 40 and loves to play peek a boo. Next time I feel the need to yell at my kids I'm going to hug them tight and think about the thinigs we take for granted.

Going along.....

     Stumbled across this great quote online tonight that fits in with stuff I've been thinking about:
"Life is easy, life is delightful. It's only hard on your illusions, your ambitions, your greed, your cravings." The quote was attributed to Anthony de Mello in an article entitled How to Find Happiness that was on lifeoptimizer.com. I understand this and wholeheartedly agree but it is very difficult to apply. From my limited understanding the whole Buddhist mindset is based on the idea that letting go of your expectations and desires is the path. I think most of us realize it too but struggle to put it into practice.
     I accepted a long time ago that there are peaks and valleys to life. The problem I seem to be having now is that I constantly raise the bar on what I consider the peaks or the valleys. I'm rolling along and life is going just fine. However I have a couple of minor irritations in my life and I consider it a valley. Reminds me of a quote I read recently from JLo:
"As human beings we have a tendency to focus on the negative.....You can have all this wonderful stuff and this one little thing is going wrong and we tend to focus on that. It's not about that. It's about being grateful."
     A friend is a great believer in the Tao. Here is a passage that sums it up

 Therefore the Master
acts without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.

I don't wholeheartedly embrace the concept but it definitely has it's place. Here is another great quote from the same article:
"If it is peace you want, seek to change yourself, not other people. It is easier to protect your feet with slippers than to carpet the whole of the earth." I think I need to spend some time focusing on going along and letting go of control.....



    

Lemons and Cherries

     Just read a comment from a religious man where he talked about planting lemons but wanting cherries. Made me think about how almost every night in some area of my life I am unhappy that I received a lemon that day. Doesn't matter how many cherries we got we of course focus on the lemon. However if I truly stop and think about it I've usually planted the lemon. We go through the day doing some things we should do and perhaps not doing others or behaving poorly at moments. Then we are surprised that life doesn't just hand us the cherries. Personal relationships would be number one for that I think. It's an often discussed fact that we treat strangers better than our loved ones and then at the end of the day we wonder why our wives or kids aren't as loving or forthcoming with what we want as we would like. Perhaps the act of reflecting at the end of the day needs to include taking a count of what we've planted versus what we've received. Perhaps the most important point that the wise among us realize as they age is that we truly do reap what we sow. I know I believe it more everyday.

Change the Story of Your Life

From onsimplicity.net a great article:

Want to Change the Story of Your Life? Change the Story of Your Minutes

“I’ve been trying to simplify my life and focus more on everyday pleasures. I’ve cut down on a bunch of stuff, but my life is as crazy as ever. What’s the problem?”
I don’t know the intimate details of anyone’s schedule but my own, but I’ve got an almost surefire way to figure out why this person’s life is still miles from simple. But first, some background.  How many times have said, “I totally love doing Activity X. I’m so into it!” Maybe it’s at a cocktail party, chat in the break room, or even in your own head. You might say it’s your passion. Unfortunately, you never get to do it. Life always manages to get in the way. You may say you love that activity and be completely sincere, but your actions tell the real story.
The stuff we spend our minutes on? That’s our real priority.

The Story Behind Our Actions

Our actions tell the real story of our lives and our passions.  In my case, I say that I love to sew, and I do, but I complete about three projects a year. The rest of the time, I’m blogging, I’m gardening, I’m listening to Def Leppard. Those are the real passions in my life. That doesn’t mean I can’t sew, but it does mean that I can’t sit around blaming other people for eating into my prized sewing time.
So back to the question that started this all. What’s the problem? Why is life still so crazy? Day to day life will tell the story. Perhaps there are too many commitments clogging up the schedule and eating up your down time. Maybe you’re getting sucked into your friends’ drama on a regular basis, making you feel stressed and unable to get away. Who knows—maybe too much time spent at work or on the Internet is taking away the time that could be used for the bedrock components of a simple life.

Get Back to the Life You Love, One Minute at a Time

Whatever story the schedule tells, your minutes rarely lie. Whenever your goals and your image of your life don’t seem to line up quite right, it’s time to go back to basics.  Take a closer look at where your minutes are spent and rearrange as needed.  No guilt, no regret: just smile and remember that you’ve got the power to create your life as you see fit, one minute—and one action—at a time.

Top Ten Things To Teach Our Children

Top Ten Things To Teach Our Children-Great article from the National Fatherhood Institute


So, what important things do you need to teach your kids? Read on for our top ten list of things to teach your son - and your daughter.
For Sons

1. Work hard, even when no one is watching. The definition of integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.
   
2. Honesty actually is the best policy. Teach your son the value of honesty from an early age.
   
3. Have a good handshake. Inspire confidence in your son. Encourage him to look people in the eye when he talks to them and to approach every situation with confidence (no pride, but confidence).
   
4. Always treat women with respect. This is an area where your son will do as you do, more so than listen to what you say. It is essential that you talk to him explicitly about what it means to respect women - starting with his mothers and sisters - and also show him in your actions and the way you treat his mother.
5. Serve your community. So often, the decisions we make affect so many other people. Talk to your son about how his decisions and actions affect others, and serve with him. Find a local shelter or soup kitchen, give to a clothing drive - or let him pick how he wants to serve. It is never to early to start volunteering together.
   
6. Don't be afraid of or ignore emotions. So often, it seems that manhood today is associated with "strong and silent." However, your son will be happier and healthier if he learns to acknowledge his emotions and work through them. Encourage your son to talk to you about how he feels about certain situations. Who knows - it could be good for your emotions, too!
   
7. Be able to cook and clean for yourself. Your son will probably live on his own for at least a few years. Don't let him depend on mom for everything. Even if his culinary skills stop at scrambled eggs, it is important that he learn to take care of himself.
   
8. Be smart about the risks you take. Boys tend to be natural risk-takers, which can be good, but these tendencies also need to be guided. Encourage adventure while teaching your son to think through his decisions.
9. Know your weaknesses. Today's culture is filled with temptations and distractions - particularly for young men. Talk to your son about the importance of knowing yourself well enough to know your weaknesses - and how to avoid and walk away from risky situations.
   
10. Don't take your blessings for granted. Remind your son how fortunate he is. It's easy to lose sight of our blessings, and it is a good reminder for all of us.
    

For Daughters

1. Work hard, even when no one is watching. The definition of integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.
   
2. Honesty actually is the best policy. Teach your daughter the value of honesty from an early age.
   
3. Modesty isn't an old fashioned ideal. You can be modest and still be trendy. Emphasize that there is nothing wrong with "leaving something to the imagination."
   
4. Protect your heart. Encourage your daughter to proceed cautiously in dating relationships.
5. Serve your community. So often, the decisions we make affect so many other people. Talk to your daughter about how her decisions and actions affect others, and serve with her. Find a local shelter or soup kitchen, give to a clothing drive - or let her pick how she wants to serve. It is never to early to start volunteering together.
   
6. Focus on the beauty on the inside. Our culture puts so much focus on outer beauty and it is difficult for girls to develop positive body images. Affirm your daughter's beauty - inside and out - and encourage her to focus on true beauty: inner beauty.
   
7. Don't be afraid to take risks. Encourage your daughter to pursue her dreams and take (reasonable) risks to advance her learning, her career, and provide enriching learning experiences.
   
8. Gossip is dangerous. Girls are known to gossip. Deal with this habit early on and talk to your daughter about how destructive gossip can be. And, make sure you and mom aren't gossipping, either.
9. Don't be afraid to walk into a room alone. This is all about inspiring confidence in your daughter. Teach her to have a firm handshake, look people in the eye when she talks to them, and to be able to be confident even if she's not surrounded by her three giggilng best friends.
10. Don't take your blessings for granted. Remind your daughter how fortunate she is. It's easy to lose sight of our blessings, and it is a good reminder for all of us.
    

Yes, some things overlap, and some things that you teach your son, you should also teach your daughter - and vice versa. It's important to know your kids' personalities so you can know what they need to learn and how they need to grow.

How to Be Married a Decade and Stay Madly In Love

Today’s post is from Greg Hayes published at onsimplicity.net

My wife and I have been married now for just over 10-years, which I consider an accomplishment in this day and age.  There are rough patches, but that’s to be expected.  But I was gratified to hear that one of her new co-workers was amazed to learn that we’d been married that long.  Why?  Because the first thing she sees us do after saying “Hello” is always a simple, quick kiss.  Nothing fancy – just a quick peck.  Yet, so many couples who have been married for an extended period of time don’t display even that much affection.
Too often, as our relationships age, we become complacent.  It’s easy to start taking those we hold dear for granted.  This is the first step to discontentment.  Fortunately, there are a few simple things everyone can do to keep your relationship fresh.
1. Greet your spouse with a kiss and a hug.
It needn’t be something deep and passionate.  A simple kiss on the cheek and a hug is enough to communicate that you missed them and were glad to be back together.
2. End every conversation with “I Love You.”
Guys, your friends will probably harass you, but the truth is that it’s easy for marriages to devolve into pseudo-business partnerships.  After all, the stresses of kids, mortgages, car payments, and careers place a strain on everyone.  Ridding your life of some of these distractions helps, but others are inevitable.  Life WILL throw you curves.  A simple reminder amid the chaos works wonders.
3. Cards and handwritten notes
My wife knows she’ll get a card on every holiday.  It’s simple, inexpensive, and shows that she is in my thoughts.  Whatever you do, please don’t use email for this.
4. Make time for one another.
After our first child was born, I practically had to drag my wife out on a date.  She was miserable being separated from him for a mere 2 hours.  I finally had to tell her that I love the mother of my child, but I needed some time with my wife.  The message got through.
5. Surprise them!
When my wife and I were first married, I told her I would get her a rose for every year we were married on our anniversary.  After that first year, I learned just how important that dozen roses was to her.  The next year, she received her dozen.
6. Expect to argue.
How could you not argue with someone you live with every day for a decade?  There are times that you will irritate one another.  Voice your disagreements.  Respectfully.

7. Defend them.
Remember having a sibling?  When you were kids growing up, you might fight like cats and dogs, but woe be unto anyone else who laid a hand on them.  That goes double for your spouse.
8. Hold hands in public.
Human touch is something we all crave.  Give it freely and willingly.
9. Dance together.
Three years ago we were invited to a wedding that was going to have a live band playing 1920’s era “Big Band” music.  We found an instructor and took swing dance lessons together.  That night, while most of the other couples sat around and talked, we danced the night away.
10. Talk.
Your spouse should be your confidant and your friend.  Talk to them.  Laugh with them.  Enjoy one another’s company.  Your relationship will benefit.
The inside of our wedding bands have the following inscription:
TMD
It stands for “Truly, Madly Deeply.”
Relationships are what make life worth living.  They put the excitement and zest into our lives.  But they are also demand effort.  Couples must constantly work at building, and then rebuilding their bonds.  So, don’t become complacent.  Grand gestures are nice, but it’s the small day-to-day choices will keep your marriages fresh.

More quotes

"Happiness blooms in the presence of self-respect and the absence of ego." - Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
  
"When you come right down to it, the secret to having It all... is Loving It all." Dr. Joyce Brothers

"There is nothing I ever need to have. There is nothing I ever need to do." - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Joseph Campbell: Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.

 A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me. Abraham Lincoln

Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional. - Buddhist proverb

“Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.“ – R.E. Shay

Henry David Thoreau: The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.