Proust Quote on Wisdom

We don't receive wisdom. We must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us. Proust

Music and Life Video

Cool video. Happiness is the journey not the destination.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4

Great Parenting Article

Here is an article on parenting that I found on zenhabits.net entitled How to Let Go of Hyperparenting and Learn to Relax:

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” - C.G. Jung

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

If you’re a hyperparent, you might not even know it — we parents tend to be in denial about that sort of thing.

But if you are, you might want to learn to relax — for your kids’ sake, and for yours.

Hyperparents are spotted when they are trying to educate their child from the womb, and expose them to the most intellectually stimulating music and art and literature before the kid can crawl. They obsess over everything, from whether the child is learning fast enough to how safe every single thing is to every little scrape and bruise. They are overprotective, overbearing, overwhelming to the child.

I admit, I was a hyperparent once, and still can be sometimes. It’s a habit I’m trying to break, with some success.

And for those of you who are hyperparents, and will admit it if only to yourselves, I’d like to share some things I’ve learned, in hopes that it’ll help.

Be forewarned that some of these suggestions take a very different approach to parenting than the traditional methods — I’m not suggesting everyone follow them, especially if you’re not willing to break with traditions. What I am suggesting is that these methods will help you relax, will help your child feel freer and less controlled and more able to explore and learn on her own, and could possibly result in a better relationship with your child and a happier child overall. I don’t have proof of that yet, but I have a strong hunch based on how my kids react when I do these things right.

1. When you get angry, pick them up and hug them. Instead of scolding or spanking or time outs or other controlling methods, try love. It’s a much better response, and you’re teaching your child through your actions rather than your words.

2. Make this your mantra: treat them with kindness, treat them with respect. Seems simple, but it’s surprising how little respect we give to kids, because they’re kids.

3. Drop your expectations of the child. Often parents have high hopes of the child doing well academically, or in sports, or of becoming a professional, when that’s not what the child wants. Or the parent hopes the child will be a certain type of person, and tries to steer the child toward that — a mild, kind child, or a bright, cheerful child, or a studious, hard-working child — but that’s not who the child is. Drop these expectations, and celebrate the child, as she is.

4. Let her play, let her explore. Stop being so overprotective. Allow the kid to be a kid. Let her run around outside, ride a bike, explore nature, play with fire. Teach her, of course, about safety and dangers, but let her be a kid.

5. Say yes, or some version of yes. Instead of saying no. Often parents have an instinct to say no. But this is controlling and stressful, to both child and parent. Stop trying to control the child, and give him some freedom. That doesn’t mean you can say yes all the time, because you have needs too, but it does mean you can say “Yes, we can do that … but perhaps later, when I’m done with what I have to do now.”

6. Stop trying to overeducate, and get out of the way. Parents try to impart all kinds of knowledge on kids. So do schools. But kids learn naturally, without us. Get out of the way, stop trying to force the kid to learn what you think he needs to learn. Encourage him to explore, and read, and figure stuff out. Get him excited about things. When he’s excited about something, he’ll learn. When you force it on him, he’ll do what he’s forced to do, but not learn much other than you’re controlling.

7. Just focus on making the next interaction with them positive. Many of these changes are difficult to make for parents, as we have deeply ingrained habits, stemming from our own childhood. So just focus on the next interaction. Just try to make the next one a good one. Don’t worry about when you screw up — just apologize if you’ve broken a trust, and move on.

8. Take a moment to pause, and see things from your child’s perspective. If you get angry, it’s because you’re only seeing things from your perspective. The child has a completely different view of things, and if you can understand that view, you won’t be mad at the child. You’ll try to make things better for her.

9. If the kid is “acting up”, try to figure out why, and meet that need. Often it’s a need for freedom, or attention, or love, or to be in control of his own life. Figure out what that need is, and find a more productive way to meet it.

10. The kid is already perfect as he is. You don’t need to change him. You don’t need to mold him into the perfect person. He’s already perfect, just as he is.

And now, relax. Enjoy every moment with your child, because they are too few, too impermanent. Trust me — my oldest daughter is 16, and I can’t believe how fast her childhood has come and gone. Cherish this time with them, and make every moment a good one. You’ll never regret those moments of happiness, those moments when you said yes, when you let your child play, when you stopped controlling and started loving.

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” - Red Buttons

Makesmethink.com

I found this website called makesmethink.com. Pretty self-explanatory but it's user posts. Here are a few I received via their daily e-mail in the last couple of days that I liked:

• Today, I met a powerful businessman who is worth 100 million dollars. In conversation he told me he regretted never making it to his son’s hockey games or his daughter’s dance recitals. It made me smile because my dad is probably only worth as much as this man’s last paycheck, but he made it to everything. MMT
• Today, I met an 85 year old woman who lives at the other end of my neighborhood. I complained about how bumpy and pot hole covered our roads are. She said, "Well I don't know, I think the roads are nice. When I was a little girl, these roads were all dirt roads." MMT
• Today, I realized that some of the most interesting and insightful people in my life are the ones who made me think, "What a weirdo…" when I first met them. MMT
• Today, on my birthday, I received an envelope in the mail containing my wallet that I lost last week. All of my money and credit cards were still inside, and on my driver's license next to my address and birthday was a post-it note that said, "Happy Birthday!" There was no return address. MMT
• Today, I read an MMT story about a 40-year-old man jumping on the back of a shopping cart and taking a ride across the parking lot. It inspired me. So this afternoon, after I went shopping, that man was me! MMT
• Today, I watched as 3 giddy tourists jumped around, dancing and singing for 15 minutes with a live Mickey Mouse character at Disney World. These tourists were easily 70 years old. MMT
• Today, I received an email from my husband who is serving in the military overseas. He wrote, "I don't miss you. I miss you and me together." I never heard it phrased that way before. But I know exactly how he feels. MMT
• Today, my friend Jason died in a car accident because he wasn't wearing his seat belt. His girlfriend who was sitting in the passenger seat informed the police that Jason had taken off his seat belt about 30 seconds before the accident so he could reach something in the back seat. MMT
• Today, while I was in line at an ice cream shop, this weird looking guy in front of me started talking to me. I decided to be friendly and chat back. Then he paid for his ice cream and left. A minute later, when I tried to pay for mine, the cashier said, "The guy in front of you paid for yours too." MMT
• Today, I had to go to a funeral for a 26 year old coworker of mine who had a stroke at work this week and was pronounced dead at the scene. He and his widow just got married last year, just bought a house last month, and just had a beautiful baby boy last week. And then just like that… he was gone. MMT

Quote

The secret to a great life is recognizing that life was never intended to be fair. Life simply isn't "fair," and that's okay. The joy of life comes from playing the game of life as best we can, focusing far more on the love and good example we can contribute to other lives than on demanding money, stuff, love, or appreciation. Service becomes a source of joy when it is not viewed as a duty.